Skip to content


Resolutions.

4 comments

It’s a yearly thing that I notice in my gym; right around this time of year, the stations seem to be busier, the cardio room is more crowded, and the wife can never seem to find an open elliptical machine. “What gives?” I always ponder, as I turn away from yet another several-deep line in front of a station. Then it hits me, just like it always does.

Ohhh. New Years resolutions.

I applaud everyone who wants to get “back on track,” as lots of them say. It’s an excellent goal, and I’m happy to help in any way I can. But sadly, I see far too many new, eager faces who disappear sometime around February—replaced by the familiar, down-to-business exchanges and curt smiles of the regulars as we trade benches and barbells.

“Are you finished with this?”

“Sure, it’s all yours.”

—————

Our is a physical job, and as such the need for fitness was drilled into us from Day One. Hell, even before that—we needed to pass a physical agility test just to be considered for recruit school.

Of course, being put through the paces of a fire academy is one thing.

At least nobody forces us to do crazy shit any more, like dragging truck tires all over the place.

I doubt there was a single comrade from class 358 who didn’t leave that (&@$#ing) Tower in some of the best shape of our lives. But we all know what happens afterward.

Not working out for several hours every morning for five days/week

+

Three humongous meals/shift, usually of heavy comfort food

=

BFFs (no, not Best Friends Forever; the other one, Big Fat Firefighters.)

We’re all guilty of it. I personally packed on about 15-17 lbs in less than six months out of the Academy. It happens! But the good news is that it can be reversed, I promise.

It’s not just for looking good. Like I said, ours is a very physical job. Lifting, pulling, crawling, dragging… it’s a good idea to keep up with some form of regular exercise, either at work or outside of it. It’s a benefit not just to you, but also to your coworkers (who may need your help in the worst of circumstances) as well as your family (who of course want you safe and healthy for many years to come).

Is anyone in your respective departments trying to establish a more concrete fitness program? I know of a few firehouses over my way that have done their own version of “The Biggest Loser,” and I’ve heard of others whose crews all make a pact to work out together during their shift. These and many other ideas are all over the web: a quick search for “firefighter fitness” yields over a million results. Kettlebell workouts, simple weight training programs, military cross-training, CrossFit for Public Safety… the list is endless. I was working a trade a while back and on one run, the officer slid the pole just absolutely soaked in sweat. I asked him what the hell he had been doing upstairs, and it turns out he was in the middle of ExtremeFitness’s Insanity Workout. (The name, by the way, is in no way misleading. It’s painful, and you’re a bad mofo if you can make it through all sixty days.)

Amazon.com has plenty of results, too. If you’re more of a book fan, you’ll find plenty of manuals and healthy eating regimens aimed at public safety employees (the food issue, however, is a subject for another post entirely.) For the longest time, one of my favorite resources was a no-nonsense, fact-filled book aimed at police/fire called “Fit for Duty.”

Whether it’s for New Years or not, it’s never too late to put forth some effort into being in better shape. Some guys at work stay in shape, some guys don’t. You can’t change everyone, but the first month of the year is as good a time as any to make a decision for yourself.

Buy a bicycle. Go for a short jog. Even just start walking a few miles per day, a few days a week (you’d be surprised at how quickly your body can respond to just a slight rise in your activity level. If you have a dog, he’ll love it, too.)

Be one of those people who doesn’t fall off the wagon! And maybe I’ll see you around the gym… all the way through December.

Fakers, flaggers, and fighters.

3 comments

FakerPaperclip

“Ugh… you have got to be kidding me.”

On average, I say that about five times per tour. In this particular instance, I was (quite comfortably) slouched down in the passenger seat of Ambulance 12—returning from my fourth switch-out that night—when a woman ran out into the street, frantically waving one of her arms. The other, unsurprisingly, had her cell phone sandwiched to the side of her head.

I blinked twice, hard, as if to clear both the sleep from my eyes and the woman from my view. As I climbed out and grabbed a pair of gloves, I convinced myself that rolling my eyes was an Ancient Chinese Secret used to increase alertness—at least, that’s my story if anyone saw me do it.

Flaggings usually don’t amount to much. Granted, there’s the occasional “this guy was just shot,” or “she clutched her chest and fell down and now she’s not breathing,” but for the most part, being flagged down is akin to hailing a taxi on a day when it might rain: “…So, should we? Eh, maybe not, we can make it… oh, here comes one! Let’s get it anyways, since it’s here!”

Let’s not assume anything, though. I mean, she was quite the Samaritan: She ran out into the street, laughing at something on her cell phone (trust me, she was not speaking to a 911 operator); flagged us down; then barged past us into the storefront as we tried to find the patient, saying “Ooh, I gotta finish gettin’ my nails done!” Of course, she stepped over the unmoving supine figure on the ground, nearly skewering his skull with a stiletto in the process.

Quite the Good Samaritan, indeed.

Bystanders said he walked in and laid on the ground with no explanation. Okay, well he’s breathing. That’s good. Strong pulse, also good. Outwardly, there doesn’t seem to be anything physically wrong with him. Blood sugar? Well within normal limits. Maybe a heroin overdose? It’s fairly common, so let’s just take a look at his eyes…

Cue the Microsoft Word Paperclip Assistant. If you were to click “yes,” you would see a small list:

  1. Do not roll your eyes in the back of your head when I lifts your eyelids. It’s a dead giveaway.
  2. If I lift your hand up and then drop it, let it fall to the floor. Lowering it in a controlled manner is another silly move.
  3. Please do not let me catch you opening one eye to look around at what’s going on. I will tell you to stop wasting my time, as well as the time of the other ambulance, EMS supervisor, and the entire damned engine company who you woke from a nice deep sleep.

So into the ambulance we went. As expected, the patient miraculously “woke up” moments later and said he was fine. Now grinning from ear to ear and looking at the swarm of people gathered around, he kept saying that he didn’t want or need any medical treatment. No history, no complaints, no physiological problems, and not a care in the world.

“What happened? I fell down? I must’ve just passed out… long day, you know? Ha-HA!”

“Yes, sir, I do know. (sigh) Please just sign this.”

—————

200296086-001

Hey, it could be worse. About a month ago, a man in Australia flagged down an ambulance (expecting just a ride, no treatment) and then attacked the crew when they wouldn’t take him where he wanted to go.

Damn. In America, the public is at least able to come up with some reason why they need to go to the hospital–whether it’s toe pain or a cough for two weeks, at least it’s a reason.

I first encountered “free taxi” syndrome when I worked in Pittsburgh. Let’s say you wanted to go visit your friend, but you don’t have a car or any money and he’s waaaay across town. So, call 911! Tell us you have something like elbow pain, and that you want to go to Allegheny General because your doctor’s there, or something. (Really, anything. As the patient, legally you’ve got plenty of leeway.) As soon as you get to ER triage, though, you can just sign out AMA* and walk to your friend’s house!

Wonderful, isn’t it?